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Play ball
To the Editor:
Recently on the playground there was the strangest development. All the kids that were left-handed were congregated on one side near the dugout, and all the right-handed kids were on the opposite side of the playground near the other dugout. It was a near 50/50 mix. A teacher walked to the pitcher's mound, looked both ways and asked what was going on?
JB, the oldest left-hander, said they wanted to play a game but could not agree on the rules of this pick up game. The teacher said they should be the same as a regular game. Right away, DJ, on the right side, said they know "I'm the best player ever, everyone loves me, and they are making rules to keep me from playing!" JB shouts back, "I make the rules, because I have been at this school longer than anyone; and, if you don't like them, you must not be allowed to play." DJ retorted, "you lied JB, you have been lying since the first grade!" JB comes back with, "you lie and cheat everyone before and after school. And, you say nasty things to girls!"
The teachers are perplexed at the intensity of this hatred. What the teacher doesn't know is that gamblers living near the playground have been betting on the games. They have been giving JB money to make rules so he always wins, so they can make money. Now that DJ knows about this, he wants the money more than JB! Since then, JB has been hard pressed to control the outcome of the games. So now JB has taken the part of rule maker and enforcer, so he can keep DJ out of the games. He will say and do anything to accomplish this. Even if it's untrue!
The teacher says "I will umpire." DJ says, "not on your life, you're left-handed!"
The teacher replied, "I will get another teacher." DJ exclaimed, "they're all left-handed!" The teacher says, "enough of this, just play ball." The left-handers extend their left hand and the right-handers extend their right hand to shake hands. They all twist their arms and fumble their fingers, some even apologize. It can't be done!
It can't! Not without compromising and rule changing. Looks like the left-handers win by default with their own rules and a stacked deck.
Game over!
DJ can't shut up and says, "I'm still the best, no one will ever be better."
I say, throw all the bums out!
Michael C. Spahr