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There is hope for victims of domestic abuse and violence. Consider a young woman who had been frequently brutalized by her husband. As a committed Christian she had tried everything to be the kind of wife a husband would love and cherish, but to no avail.
One Sunday, her pastor preached a sermon on forgiveness and emphasized Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount: "If you forgive others their trespasses against you, your heavenly Father will forgive your trespasses. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses against you . . . neither will your heavenly Father forgive you!"
The woman went to talk to her pastor about her situation at home and how she struggled with the issue of forgiveness. How could she forgive someone who abused her?
Something terrible happened as the conversation between the woman and her pastor progressed. "You must remember," the pastor said, "That Jesus forgave the people who brutalized Him while He was hanging on a cross. Do you remember how he said, 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Her heart sank as he continued, "Maybe the Lord has called you to be an abused wife."
May God have mercy on that pastor's soul. If anyone thinks God has called them to be an abused wife, or an abused husband, please reach out to me.
This is a hard world. But that doesn't mean God has picked us out specifically to endure abuse. Some of our problems have been brought on by ourselves. But there are many tragedies in life that just happen. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps we inherited a defective gene, and all the clean living in the world would not have kept it from causing us problems. Perhaps someone else acted irresponsibly and we suffered because of it. But God has not picked us out to punish us. Jesus ended that controversy for all time when he said, "God sends his rain on the just and the unjust."
Have you or someone you know become a victim of abuse? What exactly is abuse? It's important to note that word abuse has taken on many meanings over time. Most assume abuse involves anger or some form of physical violence. This is a simplistic and often misleading view of abuse. Anger is an emotion God gave us to alert us to problems. Righteous anger is not sinful and should not be associated with abuse. Anger mishandled can certainly lead to a sinful, abusive response, but it is a sinful heart, not the emotion of anger, that is the root cause of abuse.
The word abuse is used to describe the mistreatment or misuse of virtually anything. We speak of abuse of trust, drugs, institutions, and objects. These forms of abuse are sinful for the same reason that abuse directed at people is sinful. Such mistreatment is motivated by selfishness and results in damage and destruction.
Some abuse can be subtle. Emotional abuse can be difficult to detect because, on the surface, there's no observable evidence of the abuse, but that doesn't mean the effects are any less painful or destructive.
Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity or background. Victims of abuse can be ensnared in a cycle that's very difficult to break. Children have no responsibility for abuse suffered in childhood but often carry its effects into adulthood by repeating the patterns. Children need to be protected from abuse. Abusive parents are cursing their children rather than blessing them as they ought (Psalm 112:2; Proverbs 20:7).
The Bible regards abuse as sin because we are called to love one another (John 13:34). Abuse disregards others and is the opposite of this command. An abuser desires to satisfy his natural selfishness regardless of the consequences to himself or others. Several passages in the Bible strongly condemn taking advantage of or abusing others (Exodus 22:22; Isaiah 10:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:6).
Everyone is guilty of abuse at some level, because everyone falls short of God's command to love others sacrificially. Only the love of Jesus in us can truly love others; therefore, real love only exists in those who have accepted Jesus as their savior (Romans 8:10).
Only Jesus can heal the wounds left by abuse (Psalm 147:3). Sadly, many hurting people are waiting for the abuser to come repair the damage they caused. While it's good for the abuser to take responsibility and make amends to those they hurt, it's Jesus who grants peace to those in pain.
Abusers need to own their abuse of others to break the cycle while receiving help to recover from past hurts. A safe place to do that is in pastoral or biblical counseling or in a small group of believers where people can help bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:1-10). The Lord will enable us to do what He called us to do, which is love one another as He loves us.
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Rev. Charles Eldredge is a member of Maitland Church of the Brethren. He has a Facebook page and can be contacted by email: ce1133 @verizon.net.