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One morning I woke up with a song that I believe most everyone is familiar with. The song was "Lean on Me" Some of those lyrics are: "Lean on Me when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on."
That same morning, a friend messaged me with this comment, "God is guiding us through our path of life. We are leaning heavily on Him."
One of the definitions of lean is to rely for support or inspiration. To cast one's weight to one side for support/lean on me as we walk.
Later on in the week, I read this on face book. "A pastor of a small church would occasionally call on one gentleman to pray, and every time this one particular guy would pray, he would end with the strangest statement, "And, oh Lord, prop us up on our leaning side."
Finally, the pastor pulled him aside, and said, "I love the way you pray, but I don't understand your little closing phrase. What are you talking about -- prop us up on our leaning side?" He responded, "Well, Pastor, I'm a farmer. I live out on the farm and, you know, I live in the country. I've got an old barn, and it's been there a long time. It's been through a lot of weather, and a lot of storms, and a lot of bugs have eaten at it."
He said, "I got to looking at it one day when I was riding on my tractor, and I noticed that it was leaning to one side. So I thought to myself, oh my goodness! The barn is leaning, and it's a matter of time before the whole thing falls.
He continued, "So, you know what I did? I went and got some pine beams, and I propped it up on its leaning side." He said, "It still leans, and probably always will. But I propped it up on its leaning side. And it's not going to fall down because I propped it up on its leaning side. And I got to thinking about it.
When I was on the tractor, pastor, and I was riding in the field, I thought about the kind of year I've had, and some of the storms I've been through, and some of the people that are bugging me, and eating away at my joy and eating away at my spirit. And I just got to thinking, you know, I'm still here! I'm still standing after all that stuff I've been through. The storms, and the howling winds -- they couldn't topple me. I'm still standing by the grace of God."
He concluded, "From time to time, I find myself leaning. Leaning toward my old desires, leaning toward anger, leaning toward becoming bitter or hateful at the people who are bugging me, or leaning toward going back to the old habits and the old life I used to have. And when I feel myself start to lean toward that tendency, I just remember that old barn, and I pray out loud -- "Lord, thank you for propping me up on the leaning side."
Years ago I was going through a really hard time. I had a dream about myself standing on a rock during a storm. The wind was blowing so hard along with the rain. There was no way I could have survived that storm but God was holding me up by His grace and mercy.
In II Samuel 22:2-4 David said, "The Lord is my Rock [of escape from Saul] and my Fortress [in the wilderness] and my Deliverer;
My God, my Rock, in Him will I take refuge; my Shield and the Horn of my salvation; my Stronghold and my Refuge, my Savior--You save me from violence.
I Samuel 2:2 says, "I call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. There is none Holy like the Lord, there is none besides You; there is no Rock like our God."
The question is: What storms have you or are you experiencing? What or who are you leaning into? Are you holding on to the past and leaning into your old desires? Perhaps you are going through a divorce or are divorced and feel your life is over.
Years ago I experienced a devastating divorce. At that time, I only knew God as a Bible God...not my loving Father. I didn't know who He was in me and through me or who I was in Him. I knew all the do's and don'ts of Christianity and believe me I was always afraid God would be upset with me. God showed up in my life when I came to the brink of suicide and showed me how much he loved me.
In the beginning of the separation, my first reaction was shock. Then I tried to be spiritual and pretend the problem didn't exist. As days turned into weeks, my emotions began to control me. My weight dropped quickly. I felt the loneliness, jealousy towards the other women, hatred towards my husband and self- pity and anger towards God. Satan began to shoot poisonous darts into my mind. I would wake up at night and try to figure out why, how and what I did wrong. Gradually I started entertaining suicidal thoughts. I was filled with guilt and shame and had Christian friends like Job who helped to heap guilt and condemnation on me. I feared that my life was over and would never change. I couldn't see my way through the dark cloud that hung over me. I felt the shame of going through a divorce as a Christian and saw myself as a failure. I was rejected by my husband and some friends. A woman told me they didn't have anyone in their church that was divorced. She told me they kick them out! Most of all, I felt rejected by God! Where was he? Didn't he love me anymore? Was he angry and ashamed of me too? I became weary of waking up every day. I not only was separated from my husband but even worse I felt separated from God! I began to spend less time in the Word. I felt like I was trudging up a hill and could never reach the top. I had a huge tidal wave of pain and was drowning in my sorrows. Even in the sunny days I felt the eeriness and chill of the darkness in my spirit. The evil was thriving and my emotions remained in the closet of my heart. Perhaps this describes you or someone close to you.
When I became involved in a Christian single's group, I saw so much pain and suffering in many of the men and women who were going through separations or had already been divorced. Some of those people were kicked out of their churches. It broke my heart to hear how their pastor and members of the congregation had spoken words of judgment and criticism or had gossiped about them and shunned them.
But...One-day Holy Spirit reminded me about my judgmental thoughts before I went through a divorce. I couldn't understand how a Christian couple could be divorced when they were so active in church every week and looked like the perfect family. You see, I didn't have the gift of understanding until I experienced divorce myself. You are probably asking why I am calling it the gift of understanding?
One day I was standing at my kitchen sink washing dishes. I was talking to the Lord about the jealousy I felt towards the other woman in my husband's life. I heard Holy Spirit say, "Separate the sin from the person. Look at her through my eyes. I love her as much as I love you!" I will never forget how I wept and was brought to my knees and humbled. I realized the unconditional love our Father has for us even when we are in sin.
Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)
I began inviting God to search my heart and my mind. I wanted Holy Spirit to reveal everything that was hidden and lead me on the path He had chosen for me. I surrendered my life to Him completely!
As I began to attend Holy Spirit's classes daily, He began to teach me things I had never known. He began to root out unforgiveness, bitterness, jealousy, rejection, resentment, fear, worry and so forth. He would bring His revelation light to those areas in my heart and mind that would cause me to lay them at Jesus feet. I learned this was a process but as I continued day by day allowing Him to search my heart, I could feel more of His healing light inside me. I began to not just know about Him but to have a relationship with our Father. Our hearts were beginning to connect with each other.
Someone once asked me how long this process is going to take. I can tell you that God is still working on me and will continue until He takes me home to live with Him forever! Satan is always trying to get us to lean back into our past rejections when someone rejects us. Our Father never gives up on us no matter what we have done or didn't do.
James 4:7 says, "Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee."
Notice the first part is submitting to God...then He helps you to resist the devil and satan flees.
So...Do you need your mind, will and emotions healed? Lean into God's presence., rely on His support and He will give you His divine inspiration! Give all the weight of your burdens to our Father and He will prop you up with His love, peace and joy! He is waiting for you now! God loves you and so do we!
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Jenny Hagemeyer is the pastor at the Upper Room Worship Center cafe church in Belleville. She is an inspirational teacher and author of the "Touch Me" Bible study and her latest book, "Lessons from Danny." You can listen to the messages for Sunday on Jenny's and the Upper Room's face book page or on Anchor podcast.