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This year, a few of my sisters in Christ and I are reading through the Bible together in one year. I've done this before, but this time I am so blessed to have the company of my sisters in Jesus. Together, daily, we discuss the readings of the day. God's Word has become so rich this time around. The fellowship of the believers is a gift from God and to be cherished. I certainly do!
Our reading plan asks us to read one chapter each morning and evening from both the Old Testament and the New. One of the books is speaking to my heart deeply. As we are reading through the book of Job, so many things are jumping off the pages at me.
Job is portrayed by God as a righteous man. Satan came to test Job's faith, and for reasons we can't know for sure, God allowed it. As Job loses all of his children and possessions in one day, even his wife takes a stand against Job and tells him to ought to just curse God and die.
As the story unfolds, first we see Job's three friends coming to him and simply sitting with him as he grieves. Soon, they are encouraging him, but then, when Job can't seem to shake his grief, it almost seems as though his friends tire of his grieving and become pretty bold with him about that. Basically, they are saying, "It's time to get with it now, Job!" As Job continues to ride the roller coaster of grief, we can see that in all of his suffering, he remained faithful to the God he loved and served. By the end of Job's story, it's so refreshing to me to see that his life began with giving praise to God and it ends with him acknowledging that he has seen God in all of his suffering. In all of this, Job stayed faithful.
Last week, I got "that call"…that one you don't want to receive at 5am. My dearly loved brother went home to be with Jesus. My grief is deep, to say the least. My brother and I had always been tied together by our heartstrings. Separated by the age of five, we just always had a beautiful sibling love for each other. I know with no uncertainty that we knew each others hearts, thoughts, and intents on a daily basis. We were so in tune to each other that I knew what he would say even before he did. To say that his passing comes as a shock is such an understatement. For some reason, we too often live like our lives will go on forever just as they are. That is so sad to me now.
My brother was that one who always pushed me to keep moving forward in my faith walk. Almost daily for the past five years, he encouraged me to keep writing, keep speaking Jesus to all of you. He truly was the "wind beneath my wings", spiritually speaking. What a blessing!
In the everyday relationship we shared, he would send me pictures of his flower gardens in his yard, accented with angel figurines. He loved flowers, especially rare ones. In the winter when there were no fresh flowers to capture, he would send me pictures of flowers he had found while researching. Those flowers just brightened my days. I'll miss that.
We shared a love for cast iron. He had a collection that he seemed to be adding to constantly. I, too, have cast iron I cherish, though I can admit that I don't take care of mine as he did.
We enjoyed sharing our love for cooking, too. Who can't love having a brother who enjoys what the world would coin as "girly things". He often would text me and say, "What's for breakfast today, sis?". How I enjoyed that interaction with him.
Without going into alot of detail, I want to say that my brother's life was not lived perfectly. He struggled in many ways. He had failed marriages and struggled with addictions, at times. None of that ever mattered to me. I simply loved him, because I knew his heart and his desire to know love.
As teens, we were especially close, and I chuckle now as I remember. We made a plan that we were going to go to Hawaii and start a rock band. He would play guitar, and I would sing. Funny, the things kids come up with, isn't it? But we were so serious, and because we didn't live in the same house, he used to hitch-hike across the mountain between us, guitar over his shoulder, to see me for a practice. Again, how blessed we were to share such a relationship.
Maybe by now, you are tired of hearing about my brother. This is how grief goes. Mourning comes in waves. Sharing our grief helps. While I recognize this stage of grief, I know there will come a time when sadness will settle deeply in my soul, as I continue on in life without the presence my brother had in my daily life. Then, because I am human, I will likely begin to question, "Why, God?' I didn't want this, and my heart will ache to know why it had to be this way. What I also know is that after that stage of grieving, I will come to the conclusion that all of life is under God's control, and not my own. I'll realize that even in my questions and doubts, He is still trustworthy. He still loves me, even when I don't understand His ways.
The last request that my brother had for me was that he so wanted me to write a book. He knew that I have had that desire for many years. With a fresh outlook on the prospects of doing that, I have determined that I will do just that. I have taken the first step, and reached out to a publisher. Thank You, God…and thank you, my forever brother.
Forever brother? Oh, yes! When he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior, our relationship took on a sacred meaning, as well. We shared our love for Jesus. It's interesting to me, and I'm so very thankful to know that every one of my precious siblings are followers of Jesus, though we grew up hearing that there was no God. As with Job, God knew what He planned for each of us. Like Job, who said at the closing of his story, "I had heard reports about You, but now my eyes have seen you", so I can see God at work in all of this. God does all things well, even when we aren't seeing it in the moment.
Recently, a red cardinal came and landed on a bush outside my window. Fairytale has it that the meaning of that is that an angel is visiting. My brother often talked to me of his belief in angels. He would say, "You just wait, sis, it's on it's way…my angels told me." While I never put much stalk in that, I believe that yesterday, an angel visited me here. I'm guessing there will be many signs along the way, as I cherished my relationship with my brother, and the Lord knows my heart. My dear brother walks streets of gold now, holding the hand of Jesus, and healed from his sickness here on earth. In my spirit, even as I grieve his leaving, I can hear him saying, "Don't cry for me, sis…I'm healed." Thank You, Jesus, he is!
As I've been writing, I realize that I've made myself vulnerable, but I "wear my heart on my sleeve". I always have. Dear souls, if you are so blessed to know the love of one who loves you, supports you, and prays for you, please cherish that. It is rare and sacred. It is a gift from God. Never miss an opportunity to love in return, or to be that one who loved, when nobody else did. The rewards will be so worth it in the end. My brother never sought fame or glory. He was always my cheerleader. I want to honor him today with this writing. Pray for me, please, as I embark on a new journey to write the book he wanted me to write. May God be glorified in all of this. Blessings to each of you, as you go out into the world and be the hands and feet of Jesus to the downcast, the unlovable, and the forgotten.
To my dear brother, we will meet again in glory. We'll sing, though it won't be rock songs. We'll sing praises to our Jesus, the One so deserving of all our praise. Until then, thank You, Lord, for the gift of my brother and all we shared here on earth. You are my good, good Father, and I love You. Amen!
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Debby Renninger is a freelance writer and inspirational speaker. She holds a Bible study in her home in McVeytown, where seeking women are always welcome. She may be reached at (717) 250-7086 for speaking engagements.