What is this new appendage?


Those of us fortunate enough to have Mr. Bahorik as our biology teacher learned that all living organisms, humans included, change over time to adapt to their environments. These mutations ensure their survival over the millennia. Some of the changes take years and years while other mutations seem to occur almost overnight. To be honest, I never thought I’d live to see any significant metamorphosis in my lifetime. Boy was I wrong.

Over the past few years some humans have “grown” a new appendage. It’s rectangular in shape. It seems to most often attach itself to the hand. It commonly makes the hand move to the ear and fixes itself there for hours on end. It’s portable and sometimes detaches itself from the hand, I suppose when it needs to rest, to a pocket, purse or nightstand.

Most amazing, the appendage talks! It says things like, “Oh honey, I’m sorry but I accidently butt called you.” Depending on the person, it can also squawk, chirp, and blare out part of a song. It is multifunctional and as I understand, it can be silenced, I’ve also read that humans who have this appendage are developing neck and eye problems because this mutation demands they look at it for long periods of time with their neck bent.

Since we are compelled to name our body parts this mutation/appendage has come to be called the “cellphone.” Have you adapted and mutated? Do you have this new appendage? I have NOT and hope I can resist this transformative adaptation for at least the next 50 years.

If you have this appendage known as the cellphone and come to the library, please turn it off or at least silence the darn thing. If this appendage needs your attention take it to the foyer. Other customers and the staff don’t care what you are having for lunch, that you had a bowel movement this morning, or you are leaving the library to go to the grocery store.

I have also learned you can download books to the appendage. We can help you with that because it still takes a human mind to control the attachment (although there are those who would argue the built-in artificial intelligence, not the brain, controls the appendage.)

I admit I am not very nice when persons with this appendage allow it to talk, ring, or shriek in the building. Take it outside! Juniata County Library is more flexible about this human adaptation and allow cellphone use in the building, as long as it/you aren’t disturbing others.

I feel so very privileged that I am not important enough to need to be connected 24/7 to someone or something. Perhaps that’s why my body hasn’t mutated to include this yet. If you have mutated to adapt to the environment we live in today please be kind to those of us who are dinosaurs. Apparently, we will become extinct soon. Until we do, please leave your cellphone in the car when you visit the library. If you bring it into the building silence it. If you can’t do that much, then this dinosaur will have a conversation with you. Have you gotten the idea that I am not a fan of cell phones? Perhaps it’s that I am not very tolerant of those who can’t manage their phone appendage in the library.

Mr. Bahorick used to assign students to draw and label organisms to help us learn about cell structure. Here is my latest drawing. I surely hope I get an A+.