Addressing wife’s mistrust requires professional help

DEAR ANNIE

Dear Annie: It’s been over a year now since my wife left for the fourth time. This time, I really don’t have confirmation of her exact reason, but I can hazard a good guess, because the other three times she left for the same reason. She thinks I’m a cheater. In her mind, there is always someone else — but that’s the only place there is someone else. I’ve never cheated.

I can’t help but feel as if I’m free at last. I truly loved her and adored her. But I just couldn’t take the mistrust any longer. For 13 years, I had my wallet dug through, Facebook account examined and email checked. I’ve been followed by numerous detectives. I know of two because I caught them, and my wife admitted she’d hired them. Here I was paying off bills so we could have a fun retirement, and she was paying detectives $500 a day to follow me. One time, at my work, one of my employees came to me visibly shaking. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “Your wife offered me $100 to listen in on your phone calls, and, sir, I want nothing to do with this.”

Annie, I could go on and on with the examples of mistrust. But for my own sanity, I had to move on. I kept saying to myself that the mistrust would pass, but it just never did. I’ve moved on, and now I’m with God. My question to you to finally put this to rest in my mind is: Is this some kind of illness? — Free at Last

Dear Free at Last: Yes, it sounds as if she suffers from mental health issues that can only be addressed through professional treatment. I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs. It would be nearly impossible to get back together and stay together otherwise. Trying to build a marriage without trust is like trying to build a brick house without mortar. It cannot stand.

Dear Annie: In response to the letter from “Frustrated Family in Florida,” you stated that the disabled man who was conned out of his money has limited options because he consented to giving the money. As a former court advocate for seniors, my heart sank, because as a veteran, he may well have options.

This man should file a police report to have a record. In Louisville, Kentucky, the police department has a unit dedicated to crimes against seniors. Other resources include the attorney general’s office, Adult Protective Services, the Office for Victims of Crime, the American Bar Association’s pro bono resources for veterans and the Department of Veterans Affairs. I encourage interested people to see what’s available in their state.

It took the family over a year to realize what was going on. Sounds as if the veteran depended on the predator. Unfortunately, that is not unusual. The predators look for this exact situation. That’s why they are criminals. Veterans are heroes. Some of us appreciate and are grateful for them every day. Please let this family know that there are options. — Knows Better

Dear Knows Better: Thank you for those resources. Veterans are heroes indeed, and we owe them all the support we can give, along with our deepest gratitude.