Choices for president leave much to be desired

To the editor:

There was a big crowd in Louie’s the other day, which means more than two or three of us. My Democrat friend Ken was there and a couple of other guys that I’ve seen before, but also some new faces. Maybe it’s because it was raining hard and guys couldn’t play golf or work on their cars. As usual, the talk turned to Trump.

“I’m ready to vote for the guy,” said someone, “he’s the only guy with enough guts to start telling it like it is. We should have a wall to keep out those illegals. And we should stop letting Muslims into the country, the way they’re bombing people in Europe.”

“That’s crazy – how are you going to keep all the Muslims out?”

“He didn’t just say keep them all out; he said keep them out until somebody can figure out which ones are the bombers. What’s wrong with that?”

Another voice piped up. “I don’t trust the guy. He just make this stuff up when he gets on stage. I don’t know what he would do if he got elected.”

“Did you read that book by Rick Reilly, about how he caddied for Trump one day just for fun? Trump told him, ‘You couldn’t stand me for more than a day.'”

“For that long?” someone added, getting laughs.

“Well, remember,” said Ken, “you have other options.”

“You mean Cruz? I can’t stand to hear that guy talk. His voice sounds like it’s coming out of a pipe or something. Besides, he was born in Canada.”

“That doesn’t make any difference. He’s legal.”

“You hope.”

“Did you read what his freshman roommate at Princeton said about him? The guy couldn’t stand him after about a week. He said he was a complete jerk.”

“He’s not the only one who hates him. Ask anyone in the Senate. They can’t stand him.”

“Well, what about Kasich, then?”

“Yeah,” someone laughed, “what about him? I’ll have another, Louie.”

Then Ken spoke up again, smiling. “No, I meant Democratic options.”

“What, Hillary? Give me a break. That liar? I don’t care how bad any of the Republicans are, she’s worse. A complete disaster, totally corrupt.”

“Yeah, did you ever read the list of companies that contribute to her and Bill’s phoney foundation? It’s like the Fortune 500; all the fat cats are anteing up to make sure they get their goodies when she’s president. It makes me sick.”

“Which leaves us with Bernie,” someone laughed. “President Bernie, leading us into the socialist heaven. Can you believe the kids are lining up for him?”

“They’re just lining up for him because they don’t like Hillary. Like typical college kids, they’ve been taught that Republicans are all rich crooks so they have to pick a Democrat.”

“I’m just going to write in somebody, maybe Ben Carson.”

“Joe Biden’s an option for a write-in.”

“You’re just wasting your vote with a write-in.”

“Well, you’re wasting your vote if you’re a Republican in Pennsylvania, with Philly and Pittsburgh, you might as well stay at home.”

“I’ve always voted. Maybe I’ll write in somebody.”

“How about writing in Louie?” someone laughed.

“If elected, I’ll never serve,”

he answered.

“What if there were a lot of write-ins?” said somebody down the bar. He was one of the guys I hadn’t seen before, a middle-aged guy with glasses, drinking whiskey. You could see him thinking about something, with a smile on his lips. “What, for instance, would happen if there were enough write-ins to upset the result?” Then, still thinking, “What if everyone wrote in a name, so there was not win for either a nominated Democrat or Republican? That would negate all of Pennsylvania’s electoral votes in the general election wouldn’t it? I wonder what effect that would have.”

“You would have to get everybody in Cleveland to do that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Some political analyst figured out that, because so many states and counties are solidly red or blue, the national election hinges on how people in some suburb of Cleveland vote. That’s why all the politicians campaign in Ohio in November.”

“Well, a write-in would reflect my views better than any other option these days. I’m going to write in by brother-in-law. He’s better than the rest of them.”

“I’m going to write in anybody but my boss,” another guy laughed.

“I’m in,” said somebody else.

Then Louie spoke up. “You know, guys, you’re on to something if you’re really fed up with the government – and the political parties. Anyway, it would make things interesting for a while. Hey, the next round’s on me – you guys deserve one.”

“Louie, you’re a real prince,” someone said. “Hey, haven’t I always said Louie was a real prince? Haven’t I?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

John Brittain