A halftime interview worth watching on TV

To the editor:

Here is the halftime interview I’d love to hear.

It’s halftime, and the North Central Arizona State University (28,000 students) Turquoise (they were the Navajos before PC set in) are down by 28 points. Their coach is Ed Terse, who has been at NCASU for 29 years. In college he played guard at Fordham. As he walks off the field, he is accosted by TV person Lisa Mayfield, runner-up in the 2006 Miss Georgia contest.

Mayfield: Coach, your football team was having trouble running the football, as well as missing some big-gain opportunities in your passing game, so that you weren’t able to put many points on the board in the first half of this football game.

Terse: Yes, we can’t run, pass or score.

Mayfield: How important is it for you to come out in the second half of this football game and make a statement with either a great defensive stop of a long offensive series that will eat up a lot of clock to create some momentum for your football team?

Terse: It’s not important at all, as long as we do sometime.

Mayfield: What are you going to have to do in the second half of this football game to get a well-earned “W” for your football program and turn your season around?

Terse: Score a lot more points than they do.

Mayfield: Is this going to continue to be a very physical football game?

Terse: No, it’s not physical at all. The other team has mostly weak players, sort of underweight and skinny. And our team is even worse. A lot of our players are out of shape and those that aren’t are really slow. This will be a mental game. All we are going to do on defense is have our players move around a lot at random, hoping to confuse their offense. When we are on offense, we will snap the ball back to a group of three players who will hide the ball between themselves in hopes that one of them can sneak out with it and gain a few yards.

Mayfield: Well, thanks, coach, and good luck in the second half.

Terse walks away without saying anything. (NCASU actually won the football game when, in the last minute, they kicked off and the opponent’s return man, forgetting that it was a live ball, watched it land in the end zone and be recovered by NCASU. So, it was a mental game after all.)

John Brittain