Reader claims he knows how to fix this country

To the editor:

What we need are some new and well thought out laws. First, I want to give credit to those who have gotten things going in the right direction. One of the most memorable was when President G.W. Bush didn’t understand that under special circumstances, certain crimes should be classified as hate crimes.

Bush, being a Texan, saw no need, since in Texas all crime was already considered hate crime and was handled with swift and absolute justice. No matter; we now know what hateful people we really are.

Now for my ideas for some new laws: First, on murder. In non-capital punishment states we double the penalty of life in prison, but make the sentences concurrent, so inmates could be paroled at the same time, but just knowing they served a double sentence would make the victim’s friends and family feel better. In capital punishment states, mete out a double death sentence. Make the sentences consecutive, which will show that we mean business and will not coddle criminals, and of course when all appeals are exhausted on the first death sentence, there will be a whole new set of appeals n the second. This will deter crime.

The next law would be to outlaw SUVs. I’ve noticed that if a car is involved in an accident, you hear or read something like: John Doe lost control and crashed his vehicle. Now when an SUV is involved, you hear or read something like: Out-of-control SUV crashes, causes such and such damage. It seems obvious that SUVs are causing the problems, and what is even more infuriating is that the persons riding the SUVs seems safer than those in regular vehicles.

We also should probably pass a law to ban buses and 18-wheelers, but I doubt that it would pass. Maybe we can tax them to the point where there are fewer on the highways.

Now on tobacco products. We know they have no redeeming qualities and they should be outlawed. While we’re at it lets outlaw alcohol and drugs also. Wait a minute, we did outlaw alcohol and that didn’t work, and drugs are currently outlawed and that isn’t working. We’re also no having much luck in educating the population as to the proper diet.

Luckily, I have the answer to the harmful foods, the tobacco. The drugs and the alcohol. We should allow all to be sold legally and taxed heavily. We then make them illegal to use and consume. That way we collect huge tariffs, and we can arrest and fine anyone caught using the product they legally purchased. That should solve the problem.

Now on to religion. Religion seems to be the most divisive tool in our country. Within each particular faith there seems to be many interpretations of their beliefs. What we need is for all religions to send a leader to be part of a committee to decide on the principles of a state religion, which will become the religion of the land. Make it clear that all people remain free to worship in their own faith, just not in public.

Now to those of you who consider abortion the taking of a life, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. The Supreme Court says its legal to end an unborn baby’s life. Although the court could someday change its opinion, I doubt anytime soon. My first idea was to outlaw doctors, nurse practitioners, nurses, down to candy stripers. Of course, then we the people wouldn’t have health care for all our other needs. Maybe we could just make medical persons taxes higher, depending on the number of abortions they perform. That solves the problem

Now to the most pressing problem at this time: Guns! What are we going to do about guns? My first plan is to push through a constitutional amendment rescinding the Second Amendment and effectively banning all arms to the ordinary citizen. While we’re at it, lets ban war, and with it outlaw all arms, munitions, bombs, etc. The police would only be needed to direct traffic and give directions, and just think of the money we’d save not needing a military.

We could pass a law requiring everyone to turn in all weapons of any kind within a certain time. This seems quite easy, because all handguns are registered at the time of sale and would be difficult for the owner to deny owning. The problem is that many firearms of all types were in person’s homes before the registration laws were enacted. Also a good many long guns are still not required to be registered.

The added problem is that arms, as noted in the Constitution, covers a lot of ground. The list is endless, such as bow and arrow, knives, hammers, baseball bats, garden tools, etc. I suppose the only way to achieve compliance is to go door to door and confiscate anything considered by the government to be “arms.” After collecting all known arms, we could rely on tipster to help us find hidden arms, such as a garden trowel or a utility knife. After we’ve gotten all arms, we will be safe.

If by chance someone should accost you in the street, or come to your home brandishing what could be considered a weapon, you can simply tell them that they could be in trouble by having that weapon, so they had better turn it in. That should put the actor in his place.

Wow, it just came to me that we could probably limit abortions by taking all sharp objects out of the doctor’s hands, but wait, that would probably limit patients who need other operations. So forget that. Now I believe that by following my plan, we will solve a lot of problems. There are probably many other laws we could create to make our country even better. Maybe some patriot will write an article laying out more possibilities.

John Kauffman